Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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