I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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