I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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