How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Randomize
