yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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