What a fucking waste of an outfit
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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