Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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