He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
