Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
