my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just had sex on a roof
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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