I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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