Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
