My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
wow bdsm is so cute
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
