you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
