Having a random hookup so left but love u
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
