You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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