glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
