dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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