not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My breasts were aching with rage.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
