tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
His nipple licking is glorious
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