Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
