What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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