you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
