I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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