Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
time to smoke my breakfast
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
