Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
