He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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