I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
