so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
