wanna go halves on a baby?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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