Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize