my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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