i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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