I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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