It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
