I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I AM VODKA MAN
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
