You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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