the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
BRING THE BAGELS
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
