i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
