I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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