that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
