If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
