a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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