DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
