then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Randomize
