True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
