I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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