yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Randomize
