i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
How does one acquire holy water?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
