Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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