It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
