Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize