he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
