just tell him i said nine months
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
