Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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