Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
