i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We had to coat check the pizza.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
