I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize