Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
