They should really pass out barf bags in church
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
